Mecanisme Mondial

When you have been in a relationship for a while, you start to notice the little idiosyncrasies between both genders.  However, it doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship.  I have dated many women I have met on local dating personals years ago and when they were upset–they all said the same passive aggressive things.

Men and women are very different about confrontation–especially when it comes to their relationships.  When women are mad at men, they have many ways of letting us know.  Sometimes, women do things that they don’t even notice when they do it–but trust me MEN do.

Men aren’t as dim-witted as women like to think we are.  We see the signs and the body language.  We even hear the angry tones in your voices.  The difference is that we can choose to address it or ignore the guilt trip you ladies bestow upon us.

We know when you’re trying to send us subliminal messages to our brains so that we can understand how WE are wrong and how YOU are right.

Women have so many ways of saying how they’re mad at us without actually saying the words, “I AM MAD AT YOU.  Whether you’re mad at us for not noticing your new haircuts, going out with our buddies when we were supposed to hang out with you, saying “me too” in response to “I love you” or falling asleep after two minutes of unbridled passion without finishing you off, you all have these sneaky and snarky ways of getting back at us–and most times we choose to ignore it simply to avoid the drama.

Although, there are things you ladies say and do that piss us off so much that we can’t ignore your anger–because it’s making us furious.

So without further ado, here are a list of things women say that piss men off:

“I’m Fine.”

Yeah…you’re NOT fine. We know you’re anything BUT fine when you say this. This phrase usually comes out in a high pitched voice and in a dismissive tone. You usually bobble your heads and avoid eye contact with us when saying this too.  You also usually stress the point of how “Fine” you are.  You probably say the phrase like 3 times in the conversation and everytime you say it, we can tell how NOT fine you are. Subtext: You are disappointed by us. We have let you down somehow.

Fellas, never ask “What’s wrong?” Women love that question.  Their anger thrives on it and the only response you will get is “I’m Fine. Really, I’M FINE.” You will not find out what’s really wrong until the NEXT time you have a conversation.

“Nothing.”

*See Above Statement for “I’m Fine.”

Classic “less than 4 syllable” retorts

When ladies are really mad at their boyfriends, they tend to shorten their sentences to one to three words. This is very obvious to us because women have tendencies to be the “chatter boxes” in the relationship.  They will usually NEVER start conversation  unless their boyfriends start it and every time your reponses will be either “Yep, nope, maybe, uh-huh, mmmhmm, I see, I don’t know.” (You know the same responses guys give when they’re pretending to listen to your frivilous sh*t about something you read in your IN TOUCH magazine) Subtext: You are so annoyed with us right now.  You don’t even want to talk to us. You don’t even want to see our faces!

If your angry girlfriend is on the phone with you, she will quickly get off.   In person, she will usually say, ” I have to go..Not feeling well. Bye.” This ironically makes us want to say a colorful “less than 4 syllable” retort back.

The “answering a question with a nasty question” response

Sometimes the passive aggressive thing gets old for the ladies. Sometimes they rather get mean right away, depending on how angry they are with us. When we asks a question…and if our girlfriends are upset, they will usually respond to the question in a very nasty (nasty as in mean…not the “good” nasty) way by asking another question. They also seem to stress the third word in their responses like f*cking Chandler from Friends. Need an example?

“What’s your problem?” says the clueless boyfriend.

“What do YOU think my problem is?” says the angry girlfriend.

“Are you upset?” says the still clueless boyfriend.

“Do I LOOK upset to you?” says the now furious girlfriend.

“Why are you mad at me?” says the now confused boyfriend.

“Do you HAVE to ask?” says the beet red girlfriend.

Subtext: Don’t start with her! You are fu*king p*ssing her off!

Women also tend to do this J.LO attitude “girl from the bronx” shrug thing when they stress the third word. It’s something that guys should pay attention to if only to make fun of her in the future.

The “I’m a soap star and I’m angry at you” glance

Have you ever noticed if a girl is trying to make you notice she’s upset with you? Sometimes the “oh so subtle” verbal phrases don’t work or you simply ignored them,or you’re too dense to see. But, when she really wants you to know with no words, she will lock her eyes on you, without turning her head in your direction (this takes much practice I assume) and lift her chin up, roll her eyes, and swiftly turn her head in the opposite direction of you. Subtext: She doesn’t care if  she’s a drama queen… you need to NOTICE that she’s MAD! NOTICE HER!

The “Sour Puss” glance

By this point, a woman has said all the verbal phrases that would indicate she’s pissed at you.  She even pulled off the last glance and if you’re strong, you effectively ignored that too.  So this move is something they do out of pure desperation.  Sometimes, when a woman is so upset, she will sacrifice her good looks to get her f*cking point across.  She will suck air in through her mouth and her mouth will be  shaped in an “O” and she will squint her eyes and flare her nostrils.  I’m not going to lie– It’s a pretty ugly face, but it is also a pretty angry face.  Subtext: She thinks you are a dumb jerk who won’t be getting sex for a long time.

“Whatever”

Here comes the coup de grace!  The reason why I’m putting this one at the end is because it is the most effective way to p*ss off a guy. *Warning to all girls: Do not utter these 3 syllables unless you are ready for a confrontation! For some reason, most of us guys will be patient with all the other annoying things on the list that I have mentioned and we will probably ignore it all. But, if you ladies utter the word,  “WHATEVER” in a passive aggressive tone, we will flip the hell out! Saying that is the equivalent of waving a red flag in front of a bull. Instant RAGE. Subtext: You think we’re chumps and  morons. You think you can talk to us whatever way you want, because we don’t scare you. The difference with this annoying phrase is that guys can actually READ this subtext right away.

So that’s my list and hopefully it’s a wake up call to both sexes or maybe it just made for a good laugh. Here are some tips for both sexes.  Fellas, if you want to avoid this stupid crap women put you through when they’re mad at you, apologize and SOUND like you mean it.  Believe me, she will listen to your story and your reasoning if she’s really into you. However, if you have honestly nothing to apologize for, then call her out on her childish behaviour.

Ladies, when you’re upset…JUST SAY IT! It would save a lot of time and energy and doing those sour puss glances could give you major wrinkles when you get older and also can cause erectile dysfunction for your boyfriends . So stop stressing and get everything out in the open. That’s what makes a great relationship: Honesty. ( Well…it’s a start.)